Ethical Non-Monogamy & Polyamory Therapy in Plano & Frisco, TX
Let’s work together to get you all back on track.
Call it swinging, ENM, Poly, or just “the lifestyle”- I’m here for it all.
Finding a therapist who won't spend the session trying to talk you back into monogamy is harder than it should be.
You've probably been there. You mention your relationship structure and watch the therapist's expression shift, just slightly, just enough. Or they ask questions that make clear they see your non-monogamy as the presenting problem rather than simply the context. Or they're professionally polite about it but their framework is so thoroughly monogamy-normative that nothing they offer quite fits your actual life.
You shouldn't have to spend your therapy session defending your relationship structure. You shouldn't have to translate your life into terms a monogamy-centric model can understand. And you absolutely should not have to wonder whether your therapist is inwardly hoping you'll eventually "come to your senses."
I'm Shanna Wilder, a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor and Certified Holistic Sex Therapist with over 20 years of experience working with people in all forms of consensual non-monogamous relationships. Polyamory, open relationships, swinging, the lifestyle, relationship anarchy, solo polyamory, hierarchical and non-hierarchical structures- I work with all of it, without an agenda about what your relationships should look like.
Your relationship structure is not the problem, and neither are you. You deserve a therapist who gets it, and can handle the nuance of your relationships.
The relationships I work with:
Ethical non-monogamy is not one thing. It encompasses a wide range of relationship structures, agreements, and orientations- all of which deserve knowledgeable, affirming support:
Polyamory- romantic and/or sexual relationships with multiple partners, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved
Open relationships- a primary partnership that allows for additional sexual or romantic connections outside the couple
Swinging and the lifestyle- couples who engage in consensual sexual experiences with other couples or individuals
Relationship anarchy- rejecting hierarchical labels and allowing each relationship to define itself organically
Solo polyamory- maintaining multiple connections while prioritizing personal autonomy and independence
Monogamish relationships- primarily monogamous partnerships with agreed-upon exceptions
Hierarchical polyamory- relationships with a primary partnership and secondary connections
Kitchen table polyamory- a style where all partners know and are comfortable with each other
Don't ask don't tell arrangements- and the complications that sometimes arise from them
However your relationship is structured, if it's consensual, you're welcome here.
What brings ENM individuals and couples to therapy:
People in non-monogamous relationships come to therapy for all the same reasons monogamous people do. And sometimes for reasons specific to navigating relationships that exist outside the cultural mainstream:
Jealousy and envy- understanding the difference, and working with both
Communication breakdowns between partners or within a polycule
Transitioning from monogamy to non-monogamy, or considering it
Navigating new relationship energy and its impact on existing partnerships
Agreements that aren't working, renegotiating rules and structures
One partner wanting to open the relationship while the other is hesitant or resistant
Managing time, energy, and emotional bandwidth across multiple relationships
Compersion, and what to do when you can't access it
The impact of secrecy or compartmentalization on mental health
Processing a non-consensual breach of agreements within an ENM relationship- because yes, you can cheat in an open relationship
Children and family, navigating non-monogamy as a parent
Coming out as non-monogamous to family, friends, or a workplace
The intersection of ENM and kink
Relationship transitions- when a connection changes form or ends
On jealousy:
Jealousy is one of the most common reasons people in ENM relationships seek therapy, and one of the most misunderstood.
Jealousy is not a sign that non-monogamy is wrong for you. It is not evidence that you're not cut out for this. It is a signal, pointing toward something that needs attention. Sometimes it's pointing toward an unmet need. Sometimes toward an insecurity that predates your current relationship structure entirely. Sometimes toward a genuine agreement that isn't working and needs to be renegotiated.
Working with jealousy in ENM relationships requires understanding what it's actually communicating: not suppressing it, performing compersion you don't feel, or using it as evidence that the whole structure needs to collapse.
I know how to work with jealousy in this specific context. It is not the same work as jealousy in a monogamous relationship, and it shouldn't be treated as though it is.
On transitioning from monogamy:
One of the most delicate situations I work with is couples who are considering opening their relationship, or who have recently opened it and are discovering that the reality is more complicated than the conversation.
Opening a relationship that is already struggling rarely fixes the underlying problems. And opening a relationship that is genuinely strong requires far more communication, negotiation, and emotional skill than most people anticipate going in.
If you're considering this transition, or if you're in the middle of it and it's harder than you expected, therapy at this stage is one of the most valuable investments you can make. Not to be talked out of it. To do it well.
On swinging and the lifestyle:
The swinging and lifestyle community is one of the most underserved populations in therapy- in part because many lifestyle participants don't identify as polyamorous and may not seek out ENM-specific resources, and in part because finding a therapist who understands the specific culture, norms, and dynamics of the lifestyle is genuinely difficult.
I work with swinging couples and lifestyle participants without pathologizing the lifestyle itself. Whether you're navigating jealousy, communication issues, a rules breach, one partner's hesitation, or the impact of the lifestyle on your primary relationship, I understand the specific context you're operating in.
My approach:
I work from a place of genuine curiosity about your specific relationship structure rather than a template about what relationships should look like. I don't impose monogamy-normative frameworks on non-monogamous relationships. I don't treat your relationship structure as a symptom of something that needs to be fixed.
What I do is help you with what you actually came here for; communication, jealousy, agreements, transitions, intimacy, or whatever else is bringing you into this office.
I work with individuals navigating ENM, couples in various configurations, and when appropriate, with multiple partners together. I am flexible, practical, and completely non-judgmental about how you choose to structure your love life.
Who I work with:
I work with ENM individuals and relationship configurations of all orientations, gender identities, and structures. I am LGBTQIA+ affirming, kink-aware, and non-binary inclusive. All consensual relationship structures are welcome here.
Location and availability:
I see clients in person in Plano and Frisco, TX and virtually with clients anywhere in Texas. Virtual sessions are particularly valuable for lifestyle and ENM clients in communities where local affirming care is limited or where privacy concerns make in-person therapy complicated.
Other Areas I Serve:
Issues I Work With: